urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc Little Girl Blue.. Little Girl Blue.. 2010-01-03T22:06:32Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:383096 2010-01-03T22:06:32Z 2010-01-03T22:06:32Z <center><i>To the little wolf under the spell of the immortal one, wicked in his ways for so very long; she curls and writhes beneath slender digits lacing every inch of her alabaster flesh. <br /><br />So delicate in his science, gently pushing forth the effort of one such experiment upon her. To live as long as he; to find this creature she is, beautiful without forced skill. <br /><br />Bound now in what he calls pride and joy of his very own; torment and torture to the highest degree.<br /><br />She speaks now only of what he allows, flowing from once subtle tongue. She speaks of his master mind; her unrequited love.</center></i> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:382733 2009-12-28T01:09:05Z 2009-12-28T01:09:05Z I am over it <i>all.</i> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:382621 2009-12-20T01:20:18Z 2009-12-20T01:20:18Z <center><i>Little girl<br />Little girl<br />Queen of ice and stone<br />You tire so of the toys they bring<br />Want Want Want<br />Something so new</center></i><br /><br />I do so tire of it all. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:382352 2009-12-06T03:38:29Z 2009-12-06T03:38:29Z <center><i>Just for one night can we pretend that this is normal<br />Just for tonight can we pretend that nothing’s wrong<br />Can we forget that we are tired and broken<br />Tonight can we act like we’re still strong<br /><br />Just for one night can we pretend the worst is over<br />Just for tonight can we allow ourselves to breath<br />Can we let die, the flames that burn around us<br />Tonight can we live without disease<br /><br />If we question our impermanence<br />We may not live forever<br />But if the sun comes up tomorrow<br />Why should we hope for better<br /><br />Just for one night can we pretend that we are happy<br />Just for tonight can we leave behind our grief<br />Can we ignore the storm clouds in the distance<br />Tonight can we rely on our belief<br /><br />Just for one night can we laugh at our misfortune<br />Just for tonight can we sing away the fear<br />Can we let go of everything that we’ve lost<br />Tonight can we hold the future near</center></i><br /><br />Sometimes, even when your heart is made of ice, the warmth of tears can be felt trailing down your cheeks... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:382048 2009-11-29T08:14:04Z 2009-11-29T08:14:04Z A magic so pure to cover the eyes of all she encounters...<br /><br />But yet, leave her own eyes to weep. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:381833 2009-11-17T18:46:09Z 2009-11-17T18:46:09Z <center><i>I am merely the product<br />Of the life that I've lived<br />An amalgam of sorrows<br />And the wisdom they give <br />But the weight has grown heavy<br />And its dragging me down<br />It's so hard not to sink now<br />But I don't want to drown <br /><br />I'm damaged<br />But somehow I've managed<br />This far<br />But I don't know if I can find my way back home<br />I'm damaged<br />But somehow I've managed<br />For now<br />But I don't think I can face this on my own</center></i><br /><br />It's absolutely euphoric while at the same time remaining incredibly heartbreaking that after an entire year, you have the exact same effect on me. <br /><br />The way your presence filled the room with a warmth one can only truly find coming from flames rising up to touch the sky. Those eyes that hold years beyond where you stand in this world.<br /><br />Sometimes I think I've tricked myself into seeing you for more than you are because my heart sank so deep within my chest when you came along. Then I realize I am not that foolish and you truly <i>are</i> that beautiful. <br /><br /><center><i>If to suffer is holy<br />I'll take my share of the pain<br />I can swim through this sadness<br />If there's something to gain <br /><br />I can reach for the surface<br />And try to pull myself free<br />But the last thing I want is<br />To drag you down here with me</center></i><br /><br />Then I realize that she has a hold over you, merely in the way that the title you two have is binding for as long as you think it might be okay to stay. It kills me to not be able to scream out to you to go, not for me but for yourself alone. <br /><br />You will grow so big and strong; to be the most immense oak in the forest of this world and I want it to be smooth for you. I want to hold your hand and guide you but I have given up this hope; placing it in a cabinet of thoughts I rarely pull out to look upon. <br /><br /><center><i>I'm damaged<br />But somehow I've managed<br />This far</center></i><br /><br />I opened the door as of yesterday and looked upon the thought as I sat within inches of you. <br /><br /><center><i><b>Beautiful.</center></i></b> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:381664 2009-11-12T03:14:27Z 2009-11-12T03:14:27Z <center><i>One spark amongst the embers<br />One voice against surrender<br />One dream that's worth defending<br />One love that's never ending</center></i><br /><br />Perhaps I <i>am</i> taking the steps that shall lead to a more withered door; the door I've always held my heart out for.<br /><br />I see the end in you; it leaves me breathless.<br /><br /><center><i><br />How much longer must I burn<br />Until I'm able to discern<br />The root of all this suffering</center></i> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:381314 2009-11-06T06:36:39Z 2009-11-06T06:36:39Z <center><i>The wolf to walk this path alone...</center></i><br /><br />You just couldn't fucking step up to all this, could you?<br /><br />Fuck off. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:381105 2009-11-02T05:44:28Z 2009-11-02T05:44:28Z <center><i>It's a block and a cylindrical hole.</center></i><br /><br />At some point, it has to end.<br /><br /><br />Right? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:380927 2009-11-02T02:39:57Z 2009-11-02T02:40:53Z <center><i>Is it any wonder I can't sleep<br />All I have is all you gave to me<br />Is it any wonder I found peace through you<br />Turn to the gates of heaven, to myself be damned<br />Turn away from light<br />It's not enough, just a touch<br /><br />I taste, I love<br />I come, I bleed enough<br />I hate, I'm not<br />I was, I want too much</center></i><br /><br />It's never enough. I wonder when this will all become too much.<br /><br />I still regret you. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:380486 2009-10-31T20:00:25Z 2009-10-31T20:00:25Z <center><i>I have this need<br />I need to see you bleed<br />I need to taste your brain<br />Oh god it drives me insane<br /><br />Come, come over here my dear<br />There's nothing for you to fear<br />I need a little piece of your head<br />So you too can be among the living dead<br /><br />You know I need it<br />You know I feel it<br />You know I want it<br />Some fresh blood and flesh</center></i><br /><br />I truly wish I knew what to say to make you feel or to hear those feelings play out into words. <br /><br /><center><i>Please forgive for me wrong<br />My desire is so strong<br />I can not help it I have to obey<br />You know I'll eat you if you choose to stay<br /><br />Cause I'm an angel<br />Cause I'm am a devil<br />Cause I am a lost soul<br />Feeding off your flesh and blood<br /><br />You are my angel<br />You are my lost soul<br />You are the one I need to kill my desire to feed<br /><br />You know I need it<br />You know I feel it<br />You know I want it<br />Some fresh blood and flesh<br /><br />Cause I'm a girl<br />I am a zombie<br />I am a zombie girl</center></i><br /><br />Happy Halloween; A night without your fingers running through my hair but the realization that you called to see how I was and to tell me where you will be tonight. (It's a slow process but I see it going much further. I hope I'm not in fantasy land.) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:380224 2009-10-22T03:30:11Z 2009-10-22T03:30:11Z <center><i>Sometimes when this place gets kind of empty<br />Sound of their breath fades with the light<br />I think about the loveless fascination<br />Under the milky way tonight</center></i><br /><br />I think this is good for me. I think he will be the one who teaches me to walk down a better path in this regard. For the record, he did tell me he would do this for me.<br /><br />Perhaps I never thought it would happen. Perhaps I'm incredibly scared. I'll admit to that, I am. I really <i>am</i>.<br /><br /><center><i><br />I think about the loveless fascination<br />Under the milky way tonight</center></i><br /><br />He has his faults and flaws, but I know he's wonderful beneath it all. I know he sees the same in me.<br /><br />I can see hope in all this. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:379989 2009-10-17T05:53:28Z 2009-10-17T05:53:28Z <center><i>I'm so sick of you tonight<br />You never stay awake when I get home<br />Is something wrong with me, something wrong with you<br />I really wish I knew, wish I knew, wish I knew<br />I'll give you candy, give you diamonds, give you pills<br />Give you anything you want, hundred dollar bills<br />I even let you watch the shows you want to see<br /><br />When I was young I learned a game<br />Where love and happiness were the same<br />Now I'm older and I don't play<br />I found out the hardest way</center></i><br /><br />I always find out the hardest way. I'll always be the hardest girl. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:379825 2009-10-17T05:08:28Z 2009-10-17T05:08:28Z Further and further and <i>fucking</i> further.<br /><br />I'm breathless and it isn't magical. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:379498 2009-10-16T03:14:53Z 2009-10-16T03:14:53Z <center><i>Sometimes when this place gets kind of empty<br />Sound of their breath fades with the light<br />I think about the loveless fascination<br />Under the milky way tonight</center></i><br /><br />I honestly thought you'd be the one. Isn't that always the way?<br /><br /><center><i>Wish I knew what you were looking for<br />Might have known what you would find<br />Wish I knew what you were looking for<br />Might have known what you would find</center></i><br /><br />Will I ever be the end result, the destination they're searching to grasp? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:379143 2009-10-15T05:34:59Z 2009-10-15T05:34:59Z Perhaps this is what I get, for all the broken hearts and misguided steps I've taken.<br /><br />Won't it ever just stop hurting? Can't you just turn back fucking off like you did so long ago?<br /><br />I <i>can't</i> deal with this. I'm <i><b>not</i></b> strong enough.<br /><br />Fuck you.<br /><br />(Why do they lace your flesh with such beautiful words that by the end of the speech leave you with eternal scars?)<br /><br /><i><b>Fuck</i></b> this. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:378978 2009-10-09T01:52:10Z 2009-10-09T01:52:10Z <center><i>And that's what you get for falling again<br />You can never get him out of your head<br />And that's what you get for falling again<br />You can never get him out of your head<br /><br />It's the way that he makes you feel<br />Its' the way that he kisses you<br />Its 'the way that he makes you fall in love<br /><br />She's beautiful as usual<br />With bruises on her ego and<br />Her killer instinct tells her to<br />Be aware of evil men<br /><br />And that's what you get for falling again<br />You can never get him out of your head<br />And that's what you get for falling again<br />You can never get him out of your head</center></i><br /><br />Exactly. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:378711 2009-10-07T01:48:45Z 2009-10-07T01:50:46Z <i><center>Not quite sure what I should say<br />I stumble with the words<br /><br />In my heart I hope and pray <br />One day there will be more</center></i><br /><br />I continue to look past hollow skin and perhaps see what I'd like to; what I need to.<br /><br /><center><i>You're in my arms <br />You don't even know me<br />I don't know you<br />I want you to show me<br />I don't need to know where this is going<br />I'm falling<br />Falling<br />Falling for you</center></i><br /><br />I wish you were different. I don't know if I can keep pretending for much longer. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:378395 2009-10-05T02:45:01Z 2009-10-05T02:45:01Z It always comes tumbling down.<br /><br /><i><center>Little Broken Girl</i></center> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:378123 2009-09-26T05:41:56Z 2009-09-26T05:41:56Z <center><i>Let it slide<br />Let your troubles fall behind you<br />Let it shine<br />Till you feel it all around you<br />And I don't mind<br />If it's me you need to turn to<br />We'll get by<br />It's the heart that really matters in the end</center></i><br /><br />I've never met someone who held my heart like he does, if anyone ever has. Every day I am so afraid, frightened of when I might fall. Every second I feel like I'm starting to slip, he pulls at my hands again and lifts my chin to the sky.<br /><br /><center><i>Let it slide<br />Let your troubles fall behind you<br />Let it shine,<br />Till you feel it all around you<br />And I don't mind<br />If it's me you need to turn to<br />We'll get by<br />It's the heart that really matters in the end</center></i><br /><br />This happiness is excruciating, filling my lungs with wonder.<br /><br />I'm trying so hard to make it good for myself. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:377994 2009-08-30T08:22:04Z 2009-08-30T08:22:04Z <center><i>Sounds of laughter shades of life<br />are ringing through my open ears<br />exciting and inviting me<br />Limitless undying love which<br />shines around me like a million suns<br />It calls me on and on across the universe</center></i><br /><br />What does someone do when they find that perfect person for them, despite flaws and differences? That person that doesn't want to run when they see who you are behind all those different masks you've had on for so many years.<br /><br /><center><i>Sounds of laughter shades of life<br />are ringing through my open ears<br />exciting and inviting me<br />Limitless undying love which<br />shines around me like a million suns<br />It calls me on and on across the universe</center></i><br /><br />I'm trying to take it one step at a time, but I just want to run away. I want to run while he's pulling me back, day after day.<br /><br />How can someone love a mess so much? How can he <i>enjoy</i> me... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:377613 2009-08-26T02:57:36Z 2009-08-26T02:57:36Z <center><i>I'll kiss your wicked lips and watch as my prince comes to carry me away...</center></i><br /><br />Please keep me safe. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:377517 2009-08-23T21:03:04Z 2009-08-23T21:03:04Z Insane dreaming this morning.<br /><br />Joe Jonas (From the Jonas Brothers, which I only know of in passing) and I were apparently quick fire lovers. I had met him one night in the city streets. I was still my normal, "dark aura" self and he craved it. I remember our kiss so vividly; slow and passionate, our taste sweet together.<br /><br />Then everything fell apart. (Doesn't it always?) Bombs were clinging to every light pole and street sign, ready to blow at every second. <br /><br />...And then they did. Everything was engulfed, lit up with the flames of destruction. <br /><br />It was absolutely beautiful with the hint of fear lingering just along it.<br /><br />Then I woke. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:377191 2009-08-20T04:59:37Z 2009-08-20T04:59:37Z <i>First</i> person to let me hear that everything will be okay. <i>First</i> time I have ever heard those words and felt the fear wash away.<br /><br />Please take me far away. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mr_self_destruc:376976 2009-08-18T02:47:00Z 2009-08-18T02:47:00Z <center><i>It's only just a crush<br />It'll go away<br />It's just like all the others <br />It'll go away<br />Or maybe this is danger and you just don't know<br />You pray it all away but it continues to grow<br /><br />I want to hold you close<br />Skin pressed against me tight<br />Lie still, and close your eyes girl<br />So lovely<br />It feels so right<br /><br />I want to hold you close<br />Soft breasts, beating heart<br />As I whisper in your ear<br /><br />I want to fucking tear you apart</center></i><br /><br />I'm under the impression that this is working out, but who would truly know? I'm staring into the face of solace as skepticism and fear stroke my cheeks.<br /><br /><center><i>Then he walked up and told her, thinking that he'd passed<br />And they talked and looked away a lot, doing the dance<br />Her hand brushed up against his, she left it there<br />Told him how she felt and then they locked in a stare<br /><br />But their lips met, and reservations started to pass<br />Whether this was just an evening or a thing that would last<br /><br />Either way he wanted her and this was bad<br />He wanted to do things to her it was making him crazy<br />Now a little crush turned into a like<br />And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her<br /><br />I want to fucking tear you apart.</center></i><br /><br />I want him to fall into my eyes and swim away with me. Please take me so very far and keep me safe.